


Astor was not paid enough for this

by Steel Star (FluffleStar)



Series: Necroaster Au rambles [1]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Frogs, Gen, Ghosts, Necromancy, fun fact: prince Richard from link's awakening dose not have a tag besides his name in his og game, happy birthday kip im sorry, necroaster au, no beta we die like revali
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29408859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffleStar/pseuds/Steel%20Star
Summary: rat gremlin man over here was employed at hyrule castle when he was younger by rolling a nat 20 on lying.Karma bites him back and now he's considered a mentor to the princess.He just wanted to resurrect ganon.
Relationships: Zelda & Astor
Series: Necroaster Au rambles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160441
Kudos: 13





	Astor was not paid enough for this

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SarcasticMudkip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticMudkip/gifts).



> Or; Zelda is a frog obsessed princess and Astor accidentally taught her how to be a little shit. Karma’s a b.

It was a peaceful day at the castle. Negotiations once again being held in the meeting rooms excluded, it was a quiet day. The zoras wanted an extension in land leasing of some training ground in the wetlands area or something. It wasn't his job to focus on such trivial matters like 'opinions' or 'this is a crime why are you doing this'. 

No, today was a beautiful day. The sun shining, the wind whistling, and the birds in the air sang their spring songs. 

On such a day, a mage like himself should be reading a book! Perhaps under one of the fruit trees in the royal gardens. Perhaps place a shielding spell to prevent gravity from inconveniencing him. 

That sounds like a splendid id-

Crash!

Oh calamity no--what was that.

Astor turned around.

"Princess Zelda. What are you doing with my astrolabe." the child was balancing on top of a wobbly chair, standing on a stack of hardcover textbooks, reaching for his instrument’s cloth cover. The reddish glow practically nonexistent in the noon light, and even more so under its blanket barrier. 

“Frog.”

“Excuse Me?”

“Mister Astor. You promised me three days ago when I last set foot on this side of the castle that if I did not bother you for three days then you would take me to the moat and I can catch some frogs.”

“I-did I? Dah! You must be thoroughly mistaken! I would never make such a promise!” he scoffed. “Besides, even if I did, don’t you have someone else to interact with? That sheikah aid of yours? One of your royal knights? Or perhaps you could fiddle with your precious ancient technology?” 

She crossed her arms, turning away from the twenty year old. “ The zora delegates are visiting the castle alongside and the added protection from their soldiers was enough and Impa was sent on vacation.”

“Sent?”

Her eyes met his, “She has been staying up past her sanctioned hours to make sure I was well. While I appreciate her effort, she needs to relax. Her older sister offered to show her what projects she had been working on in the royal laboratory.”

“That sounds like something that you would like. Why did you-”

“Go alongside her? I am temporarily banned.”

“Right. The king.”

“Yes!’ she yelled, irritated,” I can’t leave the castle grounds without supervision.”

“And you choose me.”

“My father trusts you enough. Mom did too before...either way, you are the better choice than say the chancellor or one of the guard captains.”

The duo stare off into the distance, the memory of the soldiers having a rock eating competition wormed its way to the front of their psyches. 

Horrifying 

“No. Never again.” shudder the child. 

“The chairs...” murmured the advisor. 

“Hylia! Don’t remind me.” she rubbed her temples to forget. “So. Supervise my visit or what?” 

Astor narrowed his eyes, “A fool like yourself insiste to go to the castle's moats dressed in a dress. Wearing sandals and jewelry? At least wear a tunic and boots!” 

“So that’s a yes!” she grinned like a shark.

“What! No! It was merely a critic on your poor at-”

“Can’t hear you,” the child jumped down from her leaning tower and ran out the door, into the hallway,” I’m getting ready to go! Hey Ms! Did you hear that Mister Astor is-” her voice trailed off.

“Calamity.”, He muttered to himself, “She’s going to tell the whole castle. Fu-”

___________________________________________________________

The watchtower’s shadow loomed over the duo as they crossed over the stones nearing the cathedral. The castle’s moat was soon in front of the poor duo. 

The gentle croaks and splashes of water soon drowned out the chattering of the townsfolk. The wealthy resident’s employees gossip made Astor’s ears twitch, for as soon as they left out of sight the talking residents bored each other with their latest findings. 

It didn’t help that the very obvious princess Zelda was muttering about frogs for hours to everyone who would listen.

‘Those poor kids’ he mourned as their conversation about fishing turned into the princess’s lecture about what frogs eat and why they need to live in wet areas to moisturize. 

The tunic she wore was adorned with a gold threading that boasted her status. Like an idiot she wore it when she didn’t have any guards to protect her. 

One of the wall’s watchmen walked past the duo, oblivious. 

Competent guards, he corrected himself. 

They soon neared the shoreline of the moat, it’s clear waters (reflecting its side of the town), brimmed with life. Frogs hopped too and fro, birds chirped overhead, and blue butterflies danced around his ward. It was sickeningly sweet.

The princess hopped into a puddle of mud, nearly staining his robe. This one was a casual one, not his secret one but one that he used outside of seer work. “Careful!” he barked.

“Frog.” 

He sighed, “Is that all you are going to say! Ugh. Frogs aren’t even that good!” 

She gasped.

“How dare you mister Astor defame the good name of frogs! They are amazing! Wonderful! Friends-shaped! Also Green!!!!!”

“I prefer red.”  
“Then you are the fool here mister Astor. Frogs are-”

He cut her off, “I am not a fool.”

She grinned, “A foolish fool that fools around with dark magic in a castle of light. A dummy. An absolue -”

“Shut. It.” he glared.”You are being so childish.”

“I’m eight.”

“Still.” the twenty year old argued to the child. “I’m not a fool. Where did you even hear those words!?!” 

Her face scrunched up and pointed downwards at the river. His eyes darted towards the water and met his reflection.

“Rude.”

“Learned it from the rudest.” she sat down near a bush next to the water. It wasn’t wrong. Attempting to kill the king was considered rude by many people.

“I could just leave you here.”

“Ha! You saw how many people I talked to. If I died here all of your plans would go back.”

“You are a very bleak seven year old.”

“I’m eight.” 

“Yes well I still could leave and say that you ordered me to go away and I merely respected your privacy.” he crossed his arms, turning his face to the sky.

“Old people… I will never understand them.”

“I’m twenty!”

She laughed, lifting her hand to her mouth, " Ha! Old!" 

"I'll show you who's old you-"

"If you aren't an oldie mc-oldie then you can… catch a frog!!"

"A frog"

"Yes"

"A. F r o g"

"Yes!"

…

:D

"Aren't a lot of frogs poisonous? Or venomous?" He gestured towards himself. "I could die." 

"Well actually those types of frogs are found in a different area of the world! While theoretically they could survive the farore region if you import them there, they would most like become an invasive species. No, those types are more likely to live in the southern hemisphere of the world like in Termina or the domains of the whale gods. The frogs that live in hyrule merely use camouflage as a tactic to disway enemies and-"

"Forget I ask." he sighed as he bent down near a group of frogs. “Whatever. This is easy for someone like I to-”

Splash

“Fu--------dge,” he remarked. 

“Sucks to suck huh.”

“Listen! It's just a-”

Splash

“I’m going to burn this entire moat to smithereens.” He swore. From behind he could hear the unmistakable laughter of a child. “Do you think of this as some sort of joke!”

“Nah, only you.” she joked. Heading towards another bush she crouched near her target. “This is how you catch a f-”

“BOO!” he shouted. The princess flinched as a smear of green dashed towards the waters below. 

“You petty jerk.” the princess scoffed. “This means war!”

“HA! May the best frog-catcher win.” he smirked. 

Westward, he took a couple steps away from his rival. Getting his cue, she turned herself eastward and found her new location. 

He smirked again. ‘Now that the princess isn’t looking,’ he planned. Snapping his fingers, sparks of magic engulfed his hand. “ ycnamorcentigelyllatot ycnamorcentigelyllatot ycnamorcentigelyllatot, “ he began to mutter. The spell grew and grew, a small reddish glow emitted from his palm, as his mana drained. 

It had been too long since he had last casted a spell. That light-based castle didn’t help at all. Internally, he made a note to ask the King for leave. Perhaps under the guise of researching rather than summoning dead bodies. Things to think of later. 

“Arise soul. Whisper to me your secrets.” he commanded. Snapping his fingers once more the light sifted. No longer the dark magic of red, but now the color of souls ; a teal-cyan color. 

Swirling near him, the faint apparition of a ghost formed. He glanced towards his competition who was mimicking the croaks of her targets. 

His eyes darted to the figure he summoned, the fabled prince of a dream-like kingdom, who cared for frogs as if they were his own. There was another telling of a story of him turning into a frog with his rival but that sounded fake. 

“Salutations! Wh- Oh my-” the blue haired man yelped.

“What?”

“Uh-nothing. Just-uh,” the prince stammered. “Très bien- when was the last time you slept?” he muttered to himself.  
“What?”

“Oh nothing! Is there something you summoned me from beyond death for?” he asked.

“Prince Richard, correct?”

“Indeed! I am the prince of-”

Cutting Richard off, “You have experience with frogs, correct? And you would thus have advice on them?”

“Well yes. While once upon a time I did not appreciate them to their fullest capacity, as I grew up and met many people in my life I-”

Interrupting him once more, “So you know how to catch a frog.”

Prince Richard blinked and internally swore at the sorcerer. “Yes I do know how to catch a frog, but why would you use one of the darkest forms of magic on something like-”

“Mister Astor!!! Have you caught a frog yet?” chimed a voice from behind them. Turning slowly the pair came face to face with a frowning princess. That frown slowly formed into a straight line. “Mister Astor? Who’s your friend?” 

“Did you really do this to win a competition with a child? How pa-”

“Listen,” Astor hissed. “She has been bugging me all-”

“That is a child!” the prince argued. “She should be reading a book or playing tag or becoming a swordsman!”

“Can I learn the spell you used! It’s very pretty!”

“Reading. A. Book.” He stressed. “Playing. Tag.”

“Can I!!! Can I!!!” pleaded the child. 

Making direct eye-contact with the spirit, the necromancer grinned. “Sure!”

“Hylians..” Richard muttered. “Wait…” the prince grinned. “Hey kiddo, would you like to learn about frogs instead?”

Astor’s eyes widened, “Oh gods no.” 

The fellow royal’s eyes shined. Hopping up and down, shaking her arms a bit, and practically glowing with excitement. “Yes. Yes! YES!!!!”

“Did you know,” the prince began, “That frogs can be found in every known country in the world? There are snowy variants that live in the distant lands of Terminda and have the special powers of being immune to the cold! Places like Hyrule and my land sadly don’t have those frogs but they should still exist, despite how many years have gone by. Also,” he continued. “That every frog has a unique croak that -”

“Just kill me why don’t you.” the man pleaded to the gods.

Richard increases his voice, “sounds different! Also! That frogs can jump up to 30 times their body length and use this amazing feature to escape from predators!!!”

“This is why frogs are one of the most amazing species,” nodded the princess. Zelda added, “ Also!!!! A group of frogs is called an army!!!!”

“Ha! Nice! My army once got turned into frogs. I should have made that joke back then!” the prince reminisced.

“Excuse me?” the tired twenty year old squeaked. “When did that happen?”

“I doubt you hylians care but there was this adventure with my old rival-friend where we had to save a princess and I doubt that was translated into your language.” the swordsman shrugged.

Huh.

“So do you need help with your catching of frogs?”

Oh

No

“You were going to ask for help!!!!” Zelda shouted. 

“Listen.” Astor raised a finger and glared at the royals.

“It's catching frogs! A simple competition!”

“I just wanted this whole thing to be over with.”

“So you can go back to your studies?”

“Nerd.” the swordsman muttered.  
“ What was that!” he hissed

“Did I stutter!”

“Mister Astor.” the blonde pressed her hands together, “that is a waste of magic.”

“You don’t even have your magic unlocked!”

“Yes and I can tell that what you just did was a waste of magic, you big dummy.” Zelda quipped.

“I’m not a dummy.”

“Right you aren’t a dummy,” the prince nodded, “ You are an absolute buffoon of astronomical proportions. A jester like you should be practicing for his next show.”

Astor raised his still glowing hand, “I will dismiss you right here right now if you keep being a-” he paused to look at the eight year old in his care,” A jerk.”

“Do it then! A king must sometimes disregard valor if it means protecting his people, and I won’t hesitate to go back to the afterlife right here right now if you keep being an idiot” he twitted. 

“A simpleton like you,” the mage began to monologue “ Would -”

The prince turned to the young princess,” is he always like that?” 

“Sadly,”

“That’s rough kid,” he apologized.

“Well,” she said, “it's better than reading sculpture for eight hours.”

The blue-haired man flinched, “Ugh. I don’t even practice my fencing skills that often. I take up sculpting or go fishing. Why would you do something like that? Training to become a priest?”

She looked down,” Well no. You see my name is Princess Zelda.”

“Ah,” the prince realized. “That’s unfortunate. Still. Your parents must really be..”

“Parent.” she corrected out of habit.

“Oh.. royal or consort?”

“My mother was the royal.” sighed the young heiress. 

The prince nodded. “That makes...sense… in a way. Most people outside of your royal line don’t” he gestured to all of her, “Don't understand your…Hylia’s gift.” He turned to face the still rambling necromancer. “And since all the protections that go towards protecting the divine’s bloodline even after death… you could never see her again.”

“Yes.” sighed the child. “It was one of the first things that I was told at the funeral. How the rites would prevent, “she gestured to the greenish-blue flames that surrounded the ghost, “this.”

“Kid. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.” he stared at the still rambling ‘prophet’, ”because I don’t… trust your adults to do anything.”

“I don’t trust him either.”

“Then why do you bother him.” asked Richard.

“He’s entertaining. Pretty sure that’s the reason why my mother let him live in the castle despite lying on his resume.”

“He what.”

“Oh yeah. Found that out when I was like seven that he just did,” she pointed at the flames,” this whenever he was told to make a prediction about the future.”

“He got other ghosts-”

“To do his work for him. Got to admit. Creativity solution.” the princess admired.

“How was he not fired.”

“No clue. Like I am pretty sure that every person, sans my father, knows about his… antics. Why he hasn’t been banished is beyond me.”

He blinked. “This man is self-destructive and petty.”

“And he wants to kill my dad.”

“He what.”

“Yeah. Monologue it for like an hour once. I don’t know whether he was sober or not but my father was literally in the other room.”

“How the-”

“No clue. By all logical accounts he should not exist. Some deity must have chosen him to do some sort of quest because… Wow.”

“Speaking of wows, is he still monologuing?” questioned the only sane member of the group.

“Yep. Don’t worry, his voice will give out in an hour and a half.”

“Why do you know this?” he asked.

“Timed it.” she remarked. “I tipped an hourglass and it got all the way down. Flipped it over and it got half-way.” 

“Huh.”

“So,” Zelda began to ask, “Want to catch frogs with me?”

“Sure,” agreed Richard. “ I think I see a perfect frog to catch over there.”

“Oh! That Hot-Footed Frog? I think I see it.”

He nodded. “I will float around it and scare it. Catch it when it hops towards you.”

She gave a joking salute in agreement. Richard floated around the green frog and rustled the grass. Moving on pure instinct, the frog dashed away from the sudden noise and into the waiting hands of Zelda. 

She grinned as she held her hands together, making the walls of the frog’s temporary prison. Richard gave a thumbs up as he floated right back towards her. 

“Wait does that mean that I win?” Zelda asked. 

“What were the conditions?”

“We never decided on it. We just separated and tried to grab frogs.”

“Oof. I’m surprised neither of you fell into the water. This land is a tad steep.” he observed. “Your castle is beautiful from this angle by the way.” 

“Thank you!” smiled the princess. “According to the blueprints that the original architect left behind it is said to have a whole bunch of preservation magic and light magic embedded into the walls. So things stay out and other things stay in.” 

“Intriguing,” he uttered. “Wait. Why do you know this?”

The eight year old sighed, “ You underestimate how much studying that I have to do. I practically read half the library at this point. The only one that comes close to how much I read is that guy over there.” She pointed at Astor, who was still rambling. 

“That can not be healthy.”

“What he's doing or I?”

“Both.”

She rubbed her neck, “Thats fair, but unlike him I don’t have much of a choice.”

Richard looked her in the eyes, “Your dad is a...dunderhead… and I am tired of his tomfoolery. Heck! I haven't even met the man!” 

“Yeah. The more I talk about him to other people, they get that reaction. It’s fine though. He’s doing it out of a sense of duty.“

He blinked. “You are seven.”

“I’m eight.”

“A child. You should be having fun and making bonds. Have a rival to sword fight against! Play with toys!” he pleaded. 

She sighed and quoted in a deeper tone, “ A toy such as this is merely a distraction.” 

“ I am going to kill your father,” he declared. 

Zelda's ears twitched and he slowly turned around. 

“Excuse you!” Astor’s voice snarled from in front of the duo. 'When did he finish talking about revenge?' crossed the duo's thoughts. 

“I was going to do that first! You can kill him after I revive him. Then Urbosa gets a turn. Then I get ANOTHER turn!”

With a snap of his fingers the glow disappeared from his hand and Richard’s flames soon faded, with him alongside it. With a smile he waved goodbye to his temporary friend and gave a crude gesture to his temporary summoner.

“Rude. I was enjoying talking to him.” noted the princess, crossing her arms and turning towards the sky. 

“We are going back to the castle. You got your frog and I want to go back to my room.” ordered Astor. His face was even more tired than before.

She huffed, “Fine. But you forgot one thing"

"Hm? And what was that?"

"Impa wants a stab at him first."


End file.
